Family

"the most important thing in life is your family.
there are days you love them, and others you don't, but
in the end they're the people you always come home to.
sometimes it's the family you're born into and
sometimes it's the one you make for yourself."
-carrie bradshaw

thank you to my "family".

Dolla Dolla Bills?

Lately, money has been on my mind a lot. How much of it I don't have, how much the world doesn't have, how much is necessary for life, how to get it and how to save it. So many issues have been running through my head. Worrying about it is just exhausting.

I have so many things already. I have a home, I have a car, I have food, I have clothes. I'm trying to get over the desire to have more. I don't want to seek consumerism. But as I've been getting over those desires, I've realized that I can't even afford to be a consumer. I'm not broke, I'm not homeless. There are children in Africa who don't get to eat, and here I am complaining. I know I'm blessed. But I also want to save. I want to be able to start the rest of my life. But I can't do that without money. And I'm so busy with school that I don't have time to work that much. It's an upsetting dilemma.

And I know that it's not the worst dilemma ever. My life could be so much worse. But right now, it's the biggest challenge I'm facing. I'm trying to rely on God, because I know He will take care of me and provide for what I need. I'm trying to give my problems to Him, but that has always been a problem for me.

I know so many of my friends are struggling with these same issues. Thankfully, we're happy to just spend time together. We don't need to spend tons of money to be happy. Happiness comes from community. I guess I'm just seeking financial security and independence. But in the mean time, I am so blessed with what [and who] I have.

I know I need to trust in God. He will provide. So I'm praying and searching and trying.