Just Breathe.

Joy

2011-12-20T11:18:00.004-07:00

This Advent season, I've been very conscious of how amazing the Christmas story really is. It is the story of a baby being born in a difficult situation, into a broken world, coming to save us. I have really collided with the reality that Jesus was a real person, just like me and you. He walked this earth. He struggled with what we struggled with. In contemplating these thoughts, I stumbled upon the following devotion that I wanted to share here.

Joy To The World
(http://www.heartlight.org/articles/201012/20101223_joytotheworld.html#author-bio)

"The story of Jesus' birth has a gritty, real world feel that we recognize. This is our world, and this world is ...

Disappointing
You are Elizabeth and not able to have children and people whisper about what you have done wrong for this to be so.
Embarrassing
You are Mary: pregnant and not married, in a small town where people whisper behind your back and pretend to be your friend.
Harsh
You are despised shepherds scraping by watching your flocks and sleeping in the fields at night, with the dampness of dew and the smell of dirty sheep permeating your filthy clothes.
Earthy
You are on a long journey in the last days of pregnancy with no place to stay and no place to deliver your baby except a stable with animals and a feed trough for a bassinet.
Brutal
You are a homeless little family with a maniacal and genocidal King trying to kill your baby, so you have to take a long journey, with no money, to foreign place to protect your son.

Yes, the story of Jesus' birth has a gritty, real world feel we recognize. We know these places and problems. This is our world! It helps to know that our God knows our troubles and our struggles of our world firsthand — to know that in our troubles, we can go to him and receive mercy and grace to help in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

But the reason for the season is JOY! Joy to the world, the Lord has come! This is our story of JOY! The power in Jesus' coming is that he faced the toughness of our world in a myriad of ways and into each tough situation, his coming brought JOY! And still can!

In the years of repeated disappointment, Jesus coming brought the laughter of a child for Elizabeth and her friends.
When it was time for Elizabeth to have her baby, she gave birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they shared her joy (Luke 1:57-58 TNIV).

In Mary's embarrassment at being pregnant outside of marriage, Jesus' coming brought a deep joy in sharing in God's work of bringing salvation.

My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior! (Luke 1:46-47).

Despite the harshness of their existence, the fields and flocks become the Temple for angelic celebration and the place of good news for shepherds, and for us.

[The angels said] "I bring you good news of great joy ... Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord ... You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger" (Luke 2:10-11).

In the earthiness of stables, mangers, and hard journeys, Mary treasured the joy of her child's birth, the loyalty of Joseph, and the grace of God!

Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen (Luke 2:19).

Even in the brutality of Herod's genocidal rage, Mary and Joseph welcomed joyous Magi who recognized and worshiped Jesus as King.

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him (Matthew 2:10-11).

Jesus is the great reminder that God has come to our world and changed everything, and left behind a doorway in every heartbreak for Jesus to come and bring fresh hope and the gift of joy."

May you experience the joyful reality of this Advent and Christmas season. May you know that Jesus is our gift of JOY. He is our Light in the darkness, our Hope when we're hopeless and our Joy in our sadness. How amazing.

Merry Christmas!

Learning

2011-11-05T13:21:00.002-06:00

As I work on one of my presentations, I can't help but be struck by how much I've learned already, in two months. Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing myself unnecessarily, because I'm so thirsty for knowledge and may be running myself into the ground when I could be working on easier topics. But instead of letting that get me down, I'm trying to remember that this is all about learning and that all this knowledge will help me in my future practice. Rather than settling, I want to grow.

The other day, a friend of mine asked me about what therapy is like and I was able to tell him about the different theoretical orientations and we explored together what a good one for him might be. I found the conversation to be so encouraging because it reminded me that I have been learning so much and because it seemed to help him too. Some days I wonder whether I am good enough to be in this program, but conversations like that remind me that this is where I'm supposed to be.

We do so much self-reflection in this program. Seriously. I have a reflective journal for three out of my four classes. So sometimes it's hard to motivate myself to reflect outside of that context, but I think it's important. Reflecting on grad school as a learning experience, for example, has been helpful for me on days when I'm so stressed I just want to give up. Thanks to all my friends who have been checking in with me and asking how I'm doing, as it's really helpful for me to talk about how all this is going.

There's not much else going on in my life besides school these days, but I'm thankful for mini-breaks from it all like our Awaken retreat last weekend and going to BC with my sister-in-law and niece next weekend. Please, friends, let's go for coffee. I'd love to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. Know that even though I'm busy, I love you heaps and would be more than happy to see you.

New Beginning

2011-10-08T21:51:00.004-06:00

It's been so long since I last blogged, but I was inspired by a friend's blog to get back into it. I've been journalling a lot for my classes, so I haven't been journalling as much personally, let along blogging. But I'm trying to get back into this, as a break from school and a way to update people who I sadly haven't seen or talked to much lately.

I've been in school for almost a month now. It has flown by. The first week was crazy. Seriously. It was so overwhelming, with all new experiences, profs, classes, classmates and everything. I'm thankfully feeling more settled in now, but the time is going by so quickly. I'm having to remind myself to slow down and breathe, so that I don't miss these experiences but also so that it doesn't completely overwhelm me. I've met some absolutely wonderful people and am looking forward to spending the next two years with them. I'm so thankful for this opportunity. I'm trying to be grateful, rather than complaining about it. God has given me this path and I want to be joyful in following it.

Grad school has brought a lot of changes in my personal life. First of all, I would just like to say that I have the best husband ever. He is so patient and understanding. In our little bachelor suite, every little noise travels. I need a pretty quiet environment for studying, reading and writing, so when I'm doing that, he is so good about being quiet. I feel badly for creating such an environment and I know just how blessed I am that he is so considerate. I also really miss my friends. I have had some wonderful chances to see friends since school started, but I can already tell those times are disappearing (if not already gone). Besides Awaken, I don't have a lot of time set aside for social stuff. And sometimes, even if I am free, I'm too exhausted to do anything (such as right now, as I write this blog on a Saturday night- how cool am I?). So I absolutely miss my friends. I'm sorry if I have seemed like a bad friend. School is just taking up so much time and it needs to be a priority for me. I'm trying to skype more, so please catch me on there or give me a call if you miss me.

This is a new phase of life, a new beginning. Here's to being positive, not complaining and surviving by the grace of God. Thank you in advance for your prayers, support & love.

Finished

2011-05-03T14:38:00.003-06:00

I still can't believe I've graduated. Maybe it will fully sink it once all my grades are officially in and submitted. But it's so unbelievable. It's been a long journey, beginning 5 years ago and ending on Friday. I'm so grateful for these past 5 years. I learned a lot about myself, especially when I switched majors, and I made some wonderful friends. And now I have my BA in Psychology with Honours. Yay!

Thank you to everyone who supported me in all kinds of ways through my degree. I couldn't have done it without you. You're all gifts from God to me. I love you all.

To all my friends who are still in uni, here's some things I learned in my undergrad that I wish someone had told me when I was starting and in school:
1. Get to know your profs. It's so helpful in terms of coursework and reference letters. Plus some of them are seriously awesome people.
2. Research is not that bad. Honours was one of the best parts of my degree. It was so time-consuming and took all my effort, but I learned so much.
3. Take the time to get to know people in your classes. Study groups can be very helpful. And before you know it, you may just become good friends.
4. It's okay if you don't know what you want to do with your degree. Don't let it freak you out. Take the time to research the field and find out what your passionate about. There's something out there for you to love doing.
5. Find a piece of happiness in every day, especially when school seems to be stressing you out and weighing you down. Happiness makes everything better.

Come September, I will officially be in the MSc in Counselling Psychology program at the UofC. I'm excited to be staying in Calgary, close to my family and friends, and I'm also really looking forward to all the opportunities of the program. I'm nervous, as everything will be new and it will apparently be heaps of work, but I'm so excited at the same time.

Bring on the nervous excitement.

Acceptance

2011-03-09T13:02:00.003-07:00

It's official- I have been accepted to the Masters of Counselling program at TWO grad schools- Alder (in Vancouver and UofC). Brian and I have some big decisions to make. Plus I may hear more from other schools later. Who knows? But it's all very exciting.

It's such an answer to prayer. A couple nights ago, I was feeling really discouraged and stressed, about the uncertainty of it all. God knew exactly when I needed to hear this news, which is such a gift. God's timing is so much better than mine (which is a lesson I keep learning, over and over again. I can be so impatient. I'm thankful He keeps teaching me). This is an incredible way to begin Lent, being so reminded of God's faithfulness and the fact that He never leaves me, even when I lose sight of the good things He has for me.

God will always take care of me. How amazing.

I'm so excited for the opportunity to pursue an education in Counselling. I can't wait to learn, experience and grow, as a counsellor-in-the-making and as a person.

This has also reminded me of how blessed I am to be surrounded by amazing people. Thank you everyone, for your support, prayers and love, and the fact that no matter what decision I come to (with Brian, of course), I know you will continue to support me. You are all such gifts from God to me. How did I ever get to be so blessed?

Wow.

All Love

2011-02-14T10:35:00.003-07:00

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. All the cards, presents and expectations can be hard for both couples and singles. Couples try to make huge romantic gestures that likely cost a lot of money, thanks to the inflation surrounding this day. Single people feel devalued because they don't have a significant other. And that really bothers me. People in relationships are no better than single people. So why does Hallmark rub it in their faces? It's a shame that a "holiday" makes people feel badly about themselves. So historically, I have not celebrated Valentine's Day (including the years I've been with Brian).

But I've been thinking a lot about this holiday. I think it can become a whole different kind of day. People say it's a day about love, but the focus is so heavily on romantic love. Why can't be a day for all kinds of love? Sometimes we take the people we love for granted and forget to tell them how much they mean to us. I was so blessed this weekend to spend time with people I love very much and I think that they know it. I hope they know it.

Maybe sharing our love, with friends, family and signficant others, can turn Valentine's Day into a great day. Who doesn't love being told they are loved? So please, spread the love today. All kinds of love.

Plans

2011-02-07T09:34:00.002-07:00

Plans can change so quickly. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. But it's been amazing to me lately how fast "our" plans can change.

I say "our", because we can make plans all we want. But God's plan for our lives is what happens. I have so much trouble seeing the big picture sometimes that I can't even begin to understand God's plan for me. And it's so hard in the moment when something goes wrong to even try to think that God has something bigger and better planned. But it is such a reward when you finally see the good He has.

This has been on my heart lately because of all the plans I'm seeing come to fruition, not happen or be a surprise.

Some of my friends are applying for grad school, as I am. The waiting is so hard. But as it turns out, the rejection is harder. My heart is breaking for my friends who have worked so hard and really deserve to get into grad school, and yet may not be accepted. The idea of a back-up plan is something they didn't want to consider and now it's here. I know they will get into grad school, one day. I just hope they're happy in the meantime.

Other plans I'm seeing more often are engagements, weddings, divorce (I still struggle to believe this is already happening to people my age- breaks my heart), and babies. These plans can bring celebration, surprise (which can be positive or negative), but also negative emotions. I pray that positive things come out of all these plans, that override any negatives.

I hope as plans change, things can still bring us joy. I think there's always little things that can delight us, even in unfortunate situations. And eventually, good will come from this. We just need to be patient.

New Year

2011-01-14T09:30:00.002-07:00

The new year always seems to be a time of reflection and change for most people. For the first time in possibly forever, I'm one of those people. Sure, I liked to look back on the year and celebrate all the good things that happened. But this year is different.

2010 was easily one of the best years of my life. I married my best friend, we spent a week in New York [the best city in the world] and have spent the past six months enjoying married life in our lovely little apartment. So it's great to reflect on all that.

But 2011 has brought serious change. This is my last semester of my undergrad. Come May, I will be out of school, waiting to hear if I will continue to be in school or if I will need to take some time off. Having such an uncertain future is new for me. Thankfully I am surrounded by incredibly supportive people who are with me in the waiting and will be with me once I know what the fall will bring. But I know that whatever happens, it will be a brand new experience, so I am trying to prepare for whatever comes. The other big change is that Brian is looking for a new job. He has been with Sunterra for a long time, but has decided he needs to find a job that suits him better, where he can shine. So now he's in the process of researching careers, jobs and what's out there. It's a big change. I'm excited for him in this new beginning. But it's also all really scary. So we're trying to rely on God in hopes that He will provide for us and that He will help Brian discern the career path he should follow. We've been encouraged so far and feel blessed to have, again, such supportive people in our lives.

Please keep us in your prayers in this new year. Thank you for your love and support.

Blessed

2010-12-26T17:28:00.005-07:00

Another Christmas has come and gone.

It's hard to believe it's already over. But I was definitely not short on holiday fun this year. So many parties, get-togethers and activities to celebrate Christmas, the birth of Jesus and being in community. It all reminded me how blessed I am to have all these wonderful people in my life.

Brian was sick over Christmas, so it was especially hard for him to enjoy it as much as he would have otherwise. I so wanted him to feel better. Thankfully he's on the mend, and there were still wonderful moments for us on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

We are entering into a time of change as the new year approaches. I'm scared but trying to trust that God will take care of us. Christmas reminded me of just how much my family takes care of us and how they will always be here, no matter what happens. I'm so thankful for them.

Christmas is a great time to reflect on and appreciate how blessed we are. I hope I never take the people in my life for granted. They are so wonderful. Each of them are gifts from God.

"I receive you as a gift from God to me."

Christmas

2010-12-06T12:54:00.002-07:00

I LOVE Christmas. Seriously. LOVE.

I started secretly celebrating Christmas coming on November 1, because Holt Renfrew and Starbucks had their Christmas displays up. Oh it's so exciting. I know some people won't even talk about Christmas until December 1, and I understand that. Especially those who don't talk about it because they think Christmas is too commercial and just want to focus on Jesus as the reason for the season. I do get that. But I don't see why we can't be excited for Jesus coming for more than four weeks.

So I'm still full of Christmas cheer. Our tree is up- our first tree! Oh it's just wonderful. We also have an Advent log in our house, which we light on Sundays to celebrate the four weeks of Advent- our time of waiting for Jesus to come. We even have the chocolate Advent calendar. There's so many things in our house to remind us of Christmas, of the joy and love surrounding the wonderful holiday, and of the amazing gift God sent us two thousand years ago in Jesus. We are truly blessed.

Move

2010-11-16T21:44:00.004-07:00

maybe we are getting in the canoe,
ready to head down the river.

Retreat & Return

2010-11-03T15:41:00.005-06:00

This past weekend, Brian & I headed off to Camp Valaqua for an Awaken retreat. It was just lovely. To be able to get away, to spend time with friends, to focus on God, to forget about city life for a minute- it was exactly what I needed. Now I actually didn't get as much rest as I hoped for, because we stayed up late playing Dutch Blitz and Things In A Box, but that was completely worth it. I loved laughing that much. It felt like there was something worth smiling and laughing about the whole weekend. I'm so thankful for all the wonderful people who were there with me this weekend.

Now I'm right back into "regular" life. Grad school applications are really sneaking up here. Some are due in less than a month. I have no idea where the time went. But I'm trying to keep my head above water and not let these applications take up so much of my time that I'm neglecting my current school work or my relationships with the people that support me. If you could keep me in your prayers, that would be much appreciated.

Grad school applications also bring up fear. Fear that I won't get in. Fear that I can't pursue a career in counselling. Fear that maybe this isn't where I'm supposed to be. This fear is very unsettling. And I'm struggling to just give it to God and let Him take care of me. So prayers in that would be appreciated too.

This is a busy, crazy, uncertain time. But I know the best things will stay the same, and I'm so thankful for those things.

P.S. Christmas decorations are beginning to fill the city! It is truly the most wonderful time of the year.

Home

2010-10-20T15:25:00.002-06:00

As I sit in my little basement suite, studying for a midterm and looking forward to when my husband comes home from work, I can't help but think of how blessed we are.

I love our home.

Yes, it's small. But that means it's cozy.
Yes, it's pretty much one big room.
But that means we're together, even when we're doing different things.
Yes, some things don't fit. But that means we're learning to live simply and to decorate creatively.

I love how many memories we've already created and have yet to create in our "first home". I feel so content and at peace when I'm at home, when I stop to reflect on everything that has happened here. We live in a great neighborhood and we're relatively close to the important things and people in our lives. It's pretty wonderful.

Also, we love having people over. So you should come over.

But my peace also has nothing to do with our apartment, all at the same time. Brian is my home. Everything is better when I'm with him- he reminds me that everything will be okay. I see God in him every day, and God's Kingdom is also our home. Being in my earthly home with my incredible husband is a great reminder of that.

I feel so blessed to be home.

"if home is where the heart is,
then my home is where you are."

Escape

2010-10-18T20:23:00.002-06:00

This past weekend, Brian & I went to Lethbridge to stay with our dear friends, Carissa-Lynn & Blair. It was just such a wonderful visit. I feel so relaxed and refreshed from being there. Not only did we get out of the city for a bit, but we got to spend quality time with the Stretch's and also with Georgia, who we love to pieces.

It's funny how a change of pace can have such a substantial impact on how you feel. Brian & I have been so swamped with school/work and all kinds of regular life things that we really needed a break. We found it in Lethbridge. We didn't worry about school or work or anything else and just enjoyed our time there. I'm hoping this relaxed feeling sticks around for a while.

The weekend also made me so thankful for friends, all over again. I have such wonderful people in my life. Carissa and I have been friends for almost four years now. I think that's pretty wonderful. It was just so great to reconnect, to support each other in our experiences, whether they are different or exactly the same, and to laugh together. I love laughing with good friends.

What a blessed little trip to Lethbridge!

Absolutely

2010-10-08T10:04:00.003-06:00

This song breathes life right into my heart.

It just has such a beautiful message. While I stumble and fall in my faith, God loves me unconditionally. That is unbelievable. And so amazing. He is beyond deserving of my love. I love my God, because He first loved me.

Jesus, I am absolutely in love with You.

One

2010-10-04T17:51:00.003-06:00

Brian and I have started on a year-long journey, with some wonderful people, based on the book "One - A Face Behind The Numbers.

The book focuses on different aspects of social justice, such as corruption, diseases and education. Each chapter is devoted to a specific issue, and there are twelve chapters. We are focusing on one chapter per month for a year, learning by reading the book and research, as well as looking for ways we can help and putting them into action.

We just started, but I'm so excited about it. October's chapter is Slavery. I learned so much from just reading. Slavery is so pervasive in developing countries, which breaks my heart. But we can help. Check out Anti Slavery for ideas.

There are so many things going on in our world I'm unaware of, and I can't wait to learn about them. The first step to changing the world is to learn about it.

I'd love to talk to anyone if you're interested about this, and any of the issues.

Check out the ONE movement.

Awaken

2010-09-29T10:24:00.002-06:00

Community is a wonderful thing.

One of the biggest reasons Gull Lake meant so much to me over the years was because of the community, and the lasting relationships I built there. Over the past couple of years, Brian and I have been searching for the "right" community for us, so that we could be connected with people to love and who love us, in order to grow in our relationships with God. We have both been involved with Awaken in an off-and-on sense for a long time, but always wondered if it was right for us, because of the focus on Bowness. A while back, we decided that while we may never live in Bowness, that doesn't mean we can't have an impact on the community, and also that we can take what we learn at Awaken and apply it to our lives in Mission & downtown Calgary.

That was a wonderful decision.

We are so happy at Awaken. Not only do we have the opportunity to connect with some of our most loved Gull Lake friends, but we also have built new relationships and have been learning so much. We also get to be involved in different aspects of ministry, both in the church and in Bowness.

It feels so good to be back in community.

We have joined a Small Group, which really inspired me last night. It's full of such great people who have a heart for God and so much knowledge and wisdom to share. Once a week, we get to come together, talk about our lives and God, and learn from one another.

It's going to be a great year. I'm so thankful.

Reflections

2010-08-23T13:34:00.003-06:00

So much has happened for me in the last six weeks. First, I got married. Talk about a beautiful day. Brian & I were so blessed throughout the whole day, with love, joy, happiness, family and friends.

We headed off on our incredible honeymoon to the best city in the world, New York City. We had the best time, seeing two Broadway shows (Wicked and Fela!), visiting museums, shopping, sightseeing and buying shoes (hello Manolos, a la Carrie Bradshaw).

Then, my beautiful cousin Vanessa got married in Kelowna to a wonderful guy named Jon. I was honored to be a bridesmaid.

Finally, we had our big Day Camp at the church. It was an exhausting week, but the kids and volunteers were such blessings. And I really think it was a fabulous week for everyone else involved.

And as all of these big events have been happening, I got wrapped up in them and I forgot to rely on God. I was so busy that I let my time with God slip away. And I noticed the negative effect of this loss. Unfortunately, I don't think I fully understood its cause, and therefore didn't fix what was broken. In Day Camp, I was forced to rely on God. Brian & I were both sick and I was beyond exhausted. But God was using me anyways. He gave me the strength I needed to get through the week. I fully believe that He carried me.

While it's easy to remember to rely on God in bad times, I need to remember to rely on Him in the good times too. He's the reason those good times are happening. I firmly believe that God brought Brian & I together and blessed us by uniting us in marriage. So I want to thank God for that. I need to thank Him. For He is with me at all times, good and bad. So I want to be with Him.

Almost Time

2010-06-25T12:16:00.002-06:00

I can hardly believe there are fifteen days until we get married. When we got engaged, I thought July would never get here. But it's the end of June now! Ahh. God has been really graceful with me through this process. My fiancé has been incredibly supportive. And my friends have been there for me in everything. I'm so blessed. There have been some ups and downs in the planning, but I'm confidant that everything will be fine. I get to marry Brian. Nothing else matters. I've been reminding myself of that whenever I felt myself stressing out and I'm thankful for that truth.

Now it's all coming to fruition, as I prepare to walk down the aisle, marry my best friend and have a big party with our loved ones. I can barely contain my excitement and joy.

And as wonderful as our wedding day will be, I know it's just the beginning. The beginning of our lives together as one. And we are so ready to embark on this adventure. God is so good.

Future

2010-04-08T12:02:00.003-06:00

As our wedding gets closer, I think about our marriage more and more. We will be married very soon- in 93 days, in fact. I'm so excited to start our life together as the Merritts, instead of just the Almost Merritts (although that does have a cute ring to it). I feel so blessed to be marrying my best friend. For the rest of my life, I get to be with the man who is always there for me, who supports me, who loves me unconditionally, who makes me laugh and who loves God as much as I do. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Some people may say I'm too young to get married. But I say, age is just a number. We want to spend our lives together. And I think we've taken the necessary time to make sure we're ready for this, because marriage is a big step. I truly believe that God planned for us to be together and we're able to express our love because of what God has given us. We are so blessed.

I'm ready. I'm ready to be a wife. I'm ready to share my entire life with my best friend. Thank you to all of our friends who have been there for us and will be there as we embark on this adventure.

Laughter

2010-03-18T12:11:00.002-06:00

I've never been one of those people who spends hours upon hours on Youtube. Not that I don't think I could be- I just don't want to try, for fear that I get addicted. But some wonderful people have shown me some adorable videos, that make me laugh.

I hope the future little Merritts are this awesome:

And also this adorable and witty:

This one makes my heart smile, because it's the definition of love:

I hope those brought you joy!

Letters

2010-03-02T22:21:00.003-07:00

I've embarked on my second season of Lent. But I kind of changed the rules for myself this year. I reflected on my experience last year, of giving up comfort food, and I'm not sure I fully utilized the Lent season to it's potential, in terms of my relationship with God. So instead of explicitly giving something up this year, I have decided to journal every day. At some point in the day, every day, I spend time with God by praying and journaling. I'm hoping that this develops into a natural habit, part of my everyday life, without even having to think about it. So far, it's been a wonderful experience. I have a lot of amazing things in my life and not a lot to worry about, and so I've found that I haven't been feeling that "need" to connect with God as much. This daily journaling has been really important for me, to remember that the "need" is not just about when life is rough. I have to thank God for all the amazing things in my life, and not take them for granted. My fiance, my family, my friends, my school, my house, my future home...the list could go on forever. So I've taken to writing letters to God, talking to Him about my day and about what I am thankful for and sometimes things I need help with. But it's just been so comforting to spend time alone with God everyday. I think my version of Lent is perfect for me, where I'm at. And I don't think God is upset that I bent the rules.

Your Love Is Strong

2010-01-19T13:56:00.003-07:00

dear jon foreman,
thank you for making beautiful music
that speaks to my soul and
reminds me to breathe.

i look out the window
the birds are composing
not a note is out of tune
or out of place
i look at the meadow
and stare at the flowers
better dressed than any girl
on her wedding day

so why do i worry?
why do i freak out?
God knows what i need
You know what i need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

two things you told me
that You are strong
and You love me
yes, You love me

Twenty Ten

2009-12-31T10:09:00.002-07:00

as 2009 comes to a close and 2010 is just around the corner, i find myself reflecting more on these two years than i normally do. maybe because a lot of wonderful things happened this past year and because i'm looking forward to so much in the coming year. as i think on my happiness, i can't help but wonder if i have been taking it all for granted. i am so blessed and it's important to remember that. God has taken such good care of me. so as i look to the beginning of a new decade, i'm trying to focus on God as the reason i'm here.

this year, i will:
[01] marry my best friend and begin our life together
[o2] share God by loving others
[03] not take my happiness for granted
[04] support my family and friends
[05] stand up for what i believe in
[06] simplify what i have, figuring out what's important
[07] not let things matter more than relationships
[08] search for God's purpose for my future career
[09] not judge people
[10] love unconditionally

So Close

2009-12-10T10:31:00.002-07:00

i've handed in nine papers this week- two days ahead of schedule. it's made for a very intense couple of weeks, but that's the end of the semester for you. turns out i enjoy take-home finals. they're hard, but they're papers you can do with all your notes. i think that's better than trying to remember everything and recall it to explicit detail in an exam.

ahh.

that was my breath, to signify how close i am to the end of the semester. just two exams on monday. and then i'll be done! i'm so excited. i'm only a few days away from wedding planning fun and christmas delightfulness. i love christmas. and i'm definitely going to love planning our wedding!

so close to the finish line.

p.s. countdown: seven months!

Fix You

2009-11-23T20:40:00.003-07:00

sometimes, all you can do is
choose to love
and
choose to forgive.

oh, and listen to coldplay.

when you try your best, but you don't succeed
when you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone, but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

Love Is

2009-11-10T17:42:00.003-07:00

i am the luckiest and happiest girl in the world.
i still can't believe i'm engaged.
it feels too good to be true.

here is the proposal story:
brian and jen [my matron of honor] were having a joint birthday party at the coup, a restaurant on 17th ave. a lot of our camp friends were there, as well as some special people in brian and jen's lives. it was a lot of fun to celebrate together and spend time with wonderful people. after being at the party for a couple hours, jen pulls me outside to go for a walk. she was being kind of suspicious, so i started to expect something was coming. when we got back to the restaurant, everyone had gathered in one part of the restuarant. brian sat me down and drew my attention to a silver box on the table. i picked it up and opened it, seeing the most beautiful diamond ring. brian got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

it was completely unexpected, but also completely wonderful. we got to share it with so many people who have supported us in our relationship from the beginning.

wedding planning has been going full force. turns out my mom is a wedding planner, but no one, including her, knew it yet. i'm so busy with school that i've really needed her help, and she has been there for me 100%. we are getting married on july 10 and i couldn't be more excited about it.

turns out guest lists are the most awkward thing ever. for the people we can afford to invite, there will be a beautiful reception. and the ceremony will be open to everyone who wants to come. it will be a wonderful day.

i can't wait to be mrs. merritt!

Happiness Is

2009-10-30T18:48:00.003-06:00

i am the luckiest girl in the world.
on sunday, the man of my dreams asked me to marry him.
i'm pretty sure my feet haven't touched the ground since then.
he proposed in front of our friends,
which was totally unexpected and also
perfect for us and our relationship.
we are surrounded with amazing people and
i'm glad we could share our moment with them.

i didn't know i could be this happy.
it's a wonderful feeling.

i can't believe how blessed i am,
that God has brought Brian and i together.
i can't wait to start our lives as
husband and wife.

seriously, i couldn't be happier.

Future

2009-09-24T17:37:00.003-06:00

The future is kind of terrifying.
And so exciting.
And unknown.
And a bit crazy?

I don't know. The future is a lot of things. The one thing I'm having to remind myself of constantly lately is that the future is in God's hands. I can stress out and freak out as much as I want, but that won't fix anything. I need to rely on God. If He wants me to get into the Honours program, then I will. If he wants me to go to grad school, then I will. And then He'll also decide where I go to grad school.

I guess my problem is that, for me, relying on God is easier said than done. I hear people talking about how competitive the Honours program is, knowing that grad school is even more so, and it scares me. I have this plan in mind, where I do Honours, then go to grad school, and become a counseling psychologist. I guess one of the main reasons I find it so hard to rely on God is that my plan won't work out if He knows it's not right for me, and I'm not very good at giving up control. But I know I need to. I know God knows what's best for me and has an amazing plan for me.

To all the people in my life who support and love me unconditionally- thank you. I know God has put you all in my life, and I am so blessed. I don't know what I'd do without you. And right now, I'd really appreciate your prayer as well. This is a crazy, intimidating, scary time. Thanks for holding my hand through this.

Time

2009-07-13T16:43:00.004-06:00

after a week at the lake, i'm home.
for real. actually "home".
for so long, the camp was my second home.
but i've come to a point in my life
where it's no longer that place for me.
it has still meant so much to me over so many years.

it's where i found my best friends,
learned who i was,
experienced countless important things
and fell in love.

but i've realized that times have changed.
fortunately, they seem like good changes.
i'm happy for the week i had there,
but i'm also so happy to be home.

i've found peace and closure.
i feel blessed to be able to move on.
it's time.

Relax

2009-04-29T18:18:00.004-06:00

My third year of university has ended. Kind of surreal. It was a good year. I'm really falling in love with Psych. And now it's summer. I'm unemployed until mid-May, so currently I'm just relaxing. But it's so weird. I've kind of forgotten how to relax. But I guess if you have to relearn something, it's a good thing to learn.

I'm catching up on reading, having bubble baths, taking time to learn more about God and dive into His word. I'm also alone with my thoughts. That's been interesting. Learning, thinking, dreaming, worrying. I guess it's all a part of the growth process. It's just kind of scary, thinking of things I've been avoiding for so long. And I feel like so much of my worrying is irrational. I don't understand my incessant need for worrying. I want to be a strong woman who trusts God with her problems and doesn't worry about everything.

I want to grow as a woman of God.

I want to seek His way for me.

Positivity

2009-04-01T11:35:00.002-06:00

Lately I've been surrounded by the idea of the power of positive thinking. Things have been falling apart, exploding or at least changing. I've always considered myself to be a positive person, but recently, I've been struggling to see the bright side of things.

Thankfully for me, I'm surrounded by amazing people, who help me see the bright side. Brian is constantly reminding me to look for the positives in situations, which has been so helpful. It has made us more positive people and has made us feel better about life.

Sometimes it can be easy to give up and succumb to the negativity. But that is not how God wants us to live. He has amazing plans that we can't even imagine, where He's able to bring good out of bad situations. We just need to look for the good, even if it seems hard to see.

Try the power of positive thinking. If you're anything like me, you'll be amazed at what you can find.

Family

2009-03-14T17:05:00.002-06:00

"the most important thing in life is your family.
there are days you love them, and others you don't, but
in the end they're the people you always come home to.
sometimes it's the family you're born into and
sometimes it's the one you make for yourself."
-carrie bradshaw

thank you to my "family".

Dolla Dolla Bills?

2009-03-07T13:22:00.004-07:00

Lately, money has been on my mind a lot. How much of it I don't have, how much the world doesn't have, how much is necessary for life, how to get it and how to save it. So many issues have been running through my head. Worrying about it is just exhausting.

I have so many things already. I have a home, I have a car, I have food, I have clothes. I'm trying to get over the desire to have more. I don't want to seek consumerism. But as I've been getting over those desires, I've realized that I can't even afford to be a consumer. I'm not broke, I'm not homeless. There are children in Africa who don't get to eat, and here I am complaining. I know I'm blessed. But I also want to save. I want to be able to start the rest of my life. But I can't do that without money. And I'm so busy with school that I don't have time to work that much. It's an upsetting dilemma.

And I know that it's not the worst dilemma ever. My life could be so much worse. But right now, it's the biggest challenge I'm facing. I'm trying to rely on God, because I know He will take care of me and provide for what I need. I'm trying to give my problems to Him, but that has always been a problem for me.

I know so many of my friends are struggling with these same issues. Thankfully, we're happy to just spend time together. We don't need to spend tons of money to be happy. Happiness comes from community. I guess I'm just seeking financial security and independence. But in the mean time, I am so blessed with what [and who] I have.

I know I need to trust in God. He will provide. So I'm praying and searching and trying.

Seeking You in Lent

2009-02-26T12:30:00.001-07:00

For the first time, I am discovering the experience of Lent.

I have said goodbye to sugary desserts, to rid myself of that craving, to find comfort in God instead of in comfort food and to just focus myself more on Him instead.

It’s only the second day and I’m already struggling. I really love dessert. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? So I know this will be a really challenging 40 days, but I’m hoping it’s challenging in a worthwhile and fulfilling way, and that it will bring me closer to God.

I’m so thankful for the support and prayer I’ve been receiving so far, and for those who are willing to keep me accountable. I appreciate you all more than you know.

I hope to truly deepen my relationship with God in these days leading up to Easter, and to learn what life can be like while He’s helping me conquer cravings, so that I turn my eyes and thoughts to Him.

Listen

2008-02-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
"This is the way; walk in it."
-Isaiah 30:21

This is me, listening for You.
I'm trying to break through the noise,
to hear Your voice.

I don't know where God wants to lead my life.
I am learning about patience, and how crazy
hard it is. I wish I could just make a decision.
I wish I knew what God wanted for me. I
am trying to take comfort in the fact that He
knows, but it's harder than it sounds. And I
am just not built to wait. But I am trying.

I am trying to wait and listen for You.

Here Is My Heart

2008-01-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

"20) What has been your favorite moment?
Being with Sammy."

oh you have stolen my heart
completely.
i can't even explain how
much you mean to me.
i love you.

i've got you
and you've got me
and that's all we need

Bonjour 2008

2008-01-14T17:29:00.002-07:00

i am seeing my life change
i am seeing God change my life
i am seeing God change me

2007 was a good year
i hope 2008 is a great year

this year, i will:
[01] learn to express myself
[02] change the lives of children and teens
[03] depend more on myself
[04] always be there for my friends
[05] call my friends and family for no reason
[06] worship God every day
[07] learn to speak French
[08] support fair trade
[09] define my priorities
[10] make new friends
[11] dance all night long
[12] enjoy being nineteen
[13] choose a school and program for fall
[14] do little things to bring joy to people
[15] pour my heart into the work God gives me
[16] live the way He wants me to
[17] be honest with others and myself
[18] smile every day
[19] love unconditionally

Perseverance

2007-12-14T16:07:00.000-07:00

Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete,
not lacking anything.
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to him.
- James 1:2-5

Feels Like Home

2007-12-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

it hasn't felt like this before
it hasn't felt like home before you

every time i think you can't get any more amazing,
you prove me wrong. i still can't believe how lucky i
am to have you in my life. i love laughing, dancing,
talking, snuggling, drinking tea and just being with
you. you mean more to me than i could ever explain.

Be My Everything

2007-11-21T23:40:00.001-07:00

God in my living
there in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
there in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

be my everything

God in my hoping
there in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
there in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

be my everything

Faith In The Storm

2007-11-17T23:54:00.006-07:00

once again, i say amen
and it's still raining.
as the thunder rolls, i barely hear
You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you".
and as Your mercy falls
i raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

and i'll praise You in this storm
and i will lift my hands
for You are who You are,
no matter where i am.
and every tear i've cried
You hold in your hand.
You never left my side.
and though my heart is torn,
i will praise You in this storm.

Love.

2007-11-15T23:55:00.002-07:00

i love:

God. music. bekm. friends. gull lake. sunshine. faith. family. pictures. hugs. mittens. fashion. dance parties. snuggling. phone dates. driving. drama. inside jokes. tea. text messaging. roadtrips. stargazing. prayer. matching tees. magnumettes. laughter. p.s. all you need is love

i am blessed because of the people in my life.